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Copyright 2009-2010 by
Mary Brotherton
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Inside my Brain

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Saturday, April 24, 2004

Feeling exposed

I stopped blogging here becuase I thought no one cared enough to read. Then I just got out of the habit. After that, I got busy with life as the Lancade Lady. The past week has been remarkable! We've had many new customers as a result of our press release and the subsequent news article. I feel overwhelmed and exposed to the world. I want to write more and more about my personal life, yet when I do, I find I must delete, delete, delete. I can understand the writers of years ago who were surrounded by piles of crumpled pages.

Sometimes, I like to crumple and wad up the paper that I feel a need to discard, but often, I want to shred it. I not only worry about identity theft, but I also worry that maybe my words will cause someone some pain, discomfort, or concern. If I feel the need to dispose of my writing, I want to truly dispose of it.

I remember when I was leaving my former life in South Carolina - striking off for a new life with a new love in Atlanta - as I packed my U-Haul truck all alone in the night, I made a pile of things that I no longer desired to read or have read by others. Old love letters, CYA forms from my former job, old poems, songs, emails, postal mail, greeting cards, even some suggestive books. Around 4 in the morning, I lit a bonfire and that was how I ended my life in South Carolina - in a blaze of glory! The ceremony was conclusive. The symbolism, for me, was astounding, and the results were final.