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Copyright 2009-2010 by
Mary Brotherton
All Rights Reserved

Inside my Brain

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Saturday, September 14, 2002


My desires aren't being fulfilled, but not because you don't care.
I can't accomplish my purpose, but it's not because you are distant.
Precisely the opposite is the case.
You are here with me,
loving me,
caressing me,
holding me,
endearing yourself to me.
You are all I could ever have wished for...
If I'd rubbed a magic lamp, you are precisely what I would have wished for,
so why do I feel frustrated?

I am the woman of your dreams, you once told me.
What more could I desire?
We "fit" well.
You and I are perfect partners.
You satisfy me.
I make you smile - often.
We each understand the value of personal space.
so why do I feel frustrated?

Why do I want more than the perfect life we share?
Why am I not satisfied with the best I've ever had?
Why do I keep wishing for something that simply cannot be?

Because I know there are some things that I can never be to you.
I can never be your child's mother.
I know that I can never bear your children.
I know that you can never father mine.
What is the magic of parenthood that makes me think it could bond us even tighter?

Why can't I be satisfied with what we have?
Why do I want more than what is already so great?
What is it about you that makes me long to be something other than I am?
Why am I not satisfied with myself again?
I thought I had moved beyond the pettiness of low self esteem.
so why do I feel frustrated?

Who is whispering in my ear
If only . . ?

I am going to find a way to silence that voice!