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Copyright 2009-2010 by
Mary Brotherton
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Inside my Brain

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Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Dead Monkeys and Comfort Zones

Brad Pitt killed my monkey. Well, in a dream he did, at least. My mean old monkey of hot, dry, arid, itchy, annoying, negative emotions is dead and I am rejoicing! We all get into our comfort zones, even if they are not so comfy. What is familiar, we think is comfortable. What is known is often better, we assume, than that which is foreign. I had grown accustomed to the monkey on my back. He jumped up there when I had grown too stressed out and tired to kick him away. At first, he was rather light. Desert monkeys aren't too big, but they can grow mean. I felt him dig into my back with claws made of simple jealousy, and he started biting me with fangs made of sheer exhaustion. From time to time, he'd pick up an angry stick and start to hit me with it. Then, he'd stop and take a break for a while. I think he was usually eating during those peaceful times, because when he came back to attack me, he was meaner and more vengeful than ever. Fear dribbled from his mouth, and his eyes bored through my brain because they shot rays of obsession and compulsiveness into my skull. His black fur was soft to touch, and shed little needles of frustration into my skin. I carried this monkey around for a few weeks, and after a while, even though he was growing ever heavier, he had become my constant companion, my Familiar, and I had become accustomed to him. He was evil, yet he was part of what I knew, and we were in each other's comfort zone. I did not know how to rid myself of him, yet I desperately wanted to be myself again, without this wicked beast annoying my every waking move. I needed help. Now, even though I am not star struck, and would not consider any actor my favorite, I will admit that I think Brad Pitt could be in my list of top actors. I can't even think of a top ten or top 20, but he might be in a list of a few dozen that I like. I will admit I think he's a cutie pie, and I do like some of the characters he has played, although right now I don't think I could name three movies he's been in: well, there is "Fight Club" and I think he was in- no, wait, that wasn't him. Hmm, let me check his filmography so I am sure Brad Pitt was actually the guy in my dream! Oh, that's right! He did star in "Seven Years in Tibet", and "Twelve Monkeys". I wonder if that is why my subconsciousness chose him to kill my metaphorical monkey. How could I forget that he was in "Legends of the Fall"? I enjoyed that movie far more than I did "Fight Club"! Good Gravy! He has more than 40 films and television shows to his credit! I never knew that about him. The whole point is that I dreamed he was able to kill my monkey, and thus I felt better.

So, today, monkeyless, I celebrated my birthday. I ended up at the beach again. This time, we were at Cocoa Beach, eating a late lunch at The Pier. The Pier hosts worldwide surfing contests and volleyball tournaments as well as jetski races. Today, it was host to my birthday lunch, and perhaps a few hundred people from all over the world. The air was slightly chilled, so that I enjoyed a nearly perfect 70 degree, sunshine filtered glare to my view of the clear green Atlantic Ocean. We wore shorts, but some people were hugging jackets to themselves on the pier, while we saw young surfers in wet suits and women in thongs - everyone was taking advantage of the day's brilliance. I had a large gathering for my birthday party, and not a single invitation had been sent out!

I have decided that I want to keep Brad handy in case that monkey has relatives.