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Copyright 2009-2010 by
Mary Brotherton
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Inside my Brain

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Thursday, May 26, 2005

How fair is it that my grandchildren are so far away? How fair is it to have my sons in distant states? How fair that I cannot pursue my love of writing because I am too tired from working 8 hours a day and trying to fit into the "norm" of society, just to keep the bills paid? How fair is it when I am awakened at 3 in the morning and can't go back to sleep because my mind fills with thoughts of woulda, coulda, shoulda? How fair are the skies going to be when I have to leave home in 3 hours? How fair will my attitude be, since I've not gotten the amount of sleep my body prefers? How fair is life? How fair is it to have to come home to dirty dishes, even when I have asked that they be done while I work? How fair is it that I feel, rightly or wrongly, that I am not the most important person in the world? How fair is it that the world does not revolve around me? How fair is it to know things I'd rather not know? How fair is it that my mother married a man who is slowly draining the very life out of here? How fair is it that no matter how hard she tries, she cannot seem to be enough to keep this man happy? How fair is it that his children seem to prefer it when he is out of state with her, rather than at home where he can't be such a grouchy influence in her life? How fair is it that my sister had to deal with his behavior today, had to leave this 82 year old walking in the street because he refused to get in the car with her? How fair is it that my family had to call the police to find this man who married my mother? How fair is it that I have to cook dinner, feed the cat, empty the litter box, go for walks alone, wash the dishes, do the laundry, soak my feet, shower, find something to wear for the next day over and over and over again - every single day? How fair is it to feel responsible for getting others to bed and awake according to the schedules they have set up, and then to feel as if I have let them down, when they won't comply? How fair is it for me to be the automatic babysitter without being asked? How fair is life? How fair is it that others can eat and drink whatever they want without health repercussions? How fair is it that I do what I can to eat a balanced diet, only to have those around me eating more tasty foods, and still I am not as healthy? How fair is it that I need so much sleep each night, and don't operate very well if I don't get what my body craves? How fair is it that I get headaches if I don't get enough sleep? Not very fair at all. But it's my life. It's what I have chosen for the moment.